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School days [25 Aug 2004|06:06am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Yeah. So things are going smoothly. Everything is all right.

Bryant says I have ADD. I highly doubt it. I just get bored easily, so I just do whatever I can to get my mind off things and such.


I really hope they take me out of BioII in time (I dont want to do some stupid essay), and put me in the golf class. Yeah. So I have to watch the video, so I better go now so I can watch it.

Sorry Ms. P. I'm getting out of that AP class, because I really don't want to do it.


Yeah. I'm a loser and lame.
Sorry guys. That's me.


:)

he drank my caramel frappacino

Jogging [15 Aug 2004|05:54pm]
[ mood | okay ]

I went jogging today. It was funnnnnnnnnn!

Yeah. :) TTPMAN makes me happy, because it seems like he actually cares about my entries. lololol.


*hugs livejournal*

he drank my caramel frappacino

Blah blah blah [12 Aug 2004|09:11pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

No classes.
No lunch.
No hope.
No fate.
It just wasn't meant to be.
But I just wish....
Maybe we really can make our own fate.......


....

he drank my caramel frappacino

Reminice [12 Aug 2004|06:49pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I feel so depressed that I don't even feel like writing an entry down..but for some reason, I just need to.

I'm sad.
I saw him today. But he didn't see me.
I started to miss everything I didn't want.
I started to want the things that I didn't miss.




My classes are okay so far..
But I don't want to be in a classroom..where his future gf will be at.
It hurts too much.


Why did you do this to me?
I don't think I ever deserved this much pain...

he drank my caramel frappacino

Sleepless in /strike/Seattle/endofstrike/ [11 Aug 2004|11:34pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

____Strange how life turns out. Tomorrow is school. I have emotional anxiety. HE gives me unneeded emotional anxiety, and I wish it could all just go away tonight. Right now.

TONIGHT. RIGHT. NOW.
As Of This Hour.
[it should end.]


I'm just kind of scared. Scared of seeing the people who are still together..wondering, thinking. Scared of what I might find out. Scared of seeing him. Scared of not seeing him. Scared of being alone. Scared of not knowing. Scared of the world.

I am scared of the world once more....

Won't you please take my hand and guide me?

my caramel frappacino

(SIGHS) Just GROW UP. [10 Aug 2004|12:23pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Man. I thought this drama shit ended, but apparently it hasn't yet. I just want to let this all out and put it in my super private journal, so that way, I can read about this later on and laugh.

I was bored last night, so I was looking at the cellphone he returned. Turned it on, but it said "Insert SIM Card" here, and odd enough, I couldn't find it. So I thought, "Hmm..I don't think he would have it..but let me call it anyway!" And I did. And guess what! Stupid thing RANG. Meaning to say that he IS STILL using it. And I thought, "What the hell?" And then HE ANSWERED. No good sonofabitch answered! So I'm like "Oh hell no. This is so wrong!"

INFO:
My parents included him in our family plan to help him out with his "money" problem. It was only a $10 addition, but that $10 addition adds on PLUS if the minutes go over..oooh--weee. That was when we WENT OUT. Now that we are NOT going out FOR GOOD, he STILL has it. THAT is why it is WRONG.

So I confronted to him about it. He dodged my question. I called him twice, and left a message saying how important it was for him to call me back. So he did.
"I wasn't ignoring you if you were wondering"
"Oh well what were you doing?"
"I just woke up"
"Oh really?" (NOTE: When I called and when he answered, it sounded like he was in a car and I FUCKING KNOW. I'm not stupid)
"Yeah..." (CHANGED HIS STORY TO..) "Well I just got back from football."
"Oh really???"
"Yeah."
"Did Soluto go home early?" (NOTE: A cool friend of mine)
"No. I don't think so....I saw him there.."
"Oh well..hmm..that's funny, because I saw him an hour ago online and we were chatting."
"Oh. Well..yeah. I went home and then went to sleep."

RIGHT. Whatever bitch.

"Anyway, this is not what I was calling on you about. I was just wondering if this number is now yours or if it's still part of our family plan?"
"Well...it's mine..."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Uhh..yeah..yeah I am."
"Really now?"
"Uh..well..it will be this weekend. Depending on the phone people."
"Are you sure about that??" (NOTE: The family plan can not expire until November, and we can't get his number off of our phone bill b/c we have to pay $100 fuck no bitch.)
"Uhhm..I gotta go."
"*HIS STUPID BITCHASS NAME HERE*! NO! This is something important!"
"Okay. I got to go. Bye." *HANGS UP*


STUPID ASS MOTHER FUCKER! Thinks I'm a fucking dumbass!? HELL NO! FUcking bitch. I DONT CARE what you tell your friends. I don't care what you tell the damn school. ITS ONLY HIGH SCHOOL. Wench. AND YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CONSCIENCE.

YOU ARE A FUCKING SCRUB.
And you know it bitch.


So then my cousin calls him in her sweetest voice and her calmest, telling him to give me back the SIM card TODAY. And we are going to exchange it at 4 pm. I don't even care anymore.

Using me like this? Fuck no. Go to hell.

Karma comes around bitch. AND YOU KNOW IT.

my caramel frappacino

Late night stuff [08 Aug 2004|12:30am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Yeah. So it's late at night, and I am just here.
I feel like calling, but I know I should just let it go.
It's just a habit. But I guess I'm breaking it in my own way.


HRM. Maroon 5 helps me. I love their messages.
It's not those typical "Oh baby I love you" kind of songs.
It's more like "I'm moving on biatch. And you aint coming" kind of thing.

Little Josh says I dance freaky, and I know I can. But I know I shouldn't.
The ironic twist.
Yea. Thaks BET.

What else.
Ghetofunkafab.


So tell me something cool.

he drank my caramel frappacino

Hey guys. . . [07 Aug 2004|03:49pm]
[ mood | content ]

Yeah. So this is pretty cool.

I'm single, and I'm pretty cool with it.
I mean. Flirting with guys, no worries.
I want to be like Tim. He doesn't have any worries.
I want to be happy and content on my own.



Yeah. Relationships are just not for me at the moment.
I'm not ready for any.
And no one can really "spark" me.
But someday.


Yeah.

he drank my caramel frappacino

Hawhaw. [06 Aug 2004|01:31am]
[ mood | okay ]

It was pretty weird. I almost cried when I saw him.
When seeing the person you loveD (past tense) the most for the first time in TWO MONTHS, it makes you hurt.
But I didn't cry for too long.
I felt like a lot got off my shoulders.
Yeah. I mean.

No more waiting for calls. What's the use? He doesn't have anything I have. (EXCEPT MY LOCKET :[ *sadness*)
No more anything.

I wore a nice green top with a miniskirt and had my hair all nice with lipgloss. Damn. I mean, not to sound obnoxious, but I looked good. I say this b/c I FELT GOOD.

He looked at me in that "I want you way", SMILING really wide. AND he looked me up and down THREE TIMES in a ROW. I know he won't want me back, but that felt good too.

I tried. Oh well. Can't say I didn't. No regrets. Nada lada.


:]

So yeah.

My post was supposed to be entirely on this:
SK33Tsavelitolcrayon69 <--Andrew wants me to use that as my new AIM sn. HAHAHA. And I wanted to remember that fo-evah.

FOUR SHIZZLES as how Bryant would say.

Tomorrow is the lock-in, and I hope to hang out /and/ talk to that special someone. But I highly doubt it. He has my DVD. So..I have a reason to. HEHEHEEH. :]:]


Don't feel sorry
Don't feel sorry
For me


Yeah.

my caramel frappacino

=/ So long farewell. [05 Aug 2004|10:08am]
[ mood | awake ]

"Blister"

Take advantage of these times, you said.
You let me down.
It hasn't been the first time.
As I'm falling in the pit of fire my mind's made up.
I'm never coming back here.
How long would it take me to walk across the United States all alone.
The West coast has been traumatized.
I think I'm the only one still alive.
Is it just a coincidence to see you by yourself with no direction.
Now it's time to move on.
Don't you know that things aren't getting better.
Don't try and stop me.
Because I'm falling fast into this pit of fire which surrounds us all.
In a blanket of fear that I've been wrapped in for years.
You can't stop me.
When the world caves in what are you going to do for me.

----+-----
I had a dream earlier. He hugged me. Told me he was sorry. Wanted me back. I gave in. I woke up with sadness. Knowing that I won't have that. But I woke up with hope for myself. Knowing that I don't want that at all.


I don't want him.
I want someone who will treat me like a QUEEN.
And not dirt on your shoes.

I hope you're happy.

he drank my caramel frappacino

Something else to add on to the last one.. [05 Aug 2004|02:26am]
[ mood | sad ]

AIM convo...explains moreCollapse )

my caramel frappacino

Meanful words hurts the most. [05 Aug 2004|02:00am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Him: "It's okay. I'll just call you tomorrow."
Me: "No. It's okay...you say you call but you never do..so..I'll just do it."
Him: "You know, I don't need your attitude."
Me: "Huh? What attitude?"
Him: "You don't need to stand up to me and give me an attitude"
_BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH_
Him: "The reason why your parents get mad at you is because you give them unwanted lip"
Me: "EXCUSE ME!?"
_BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH_


You are a fucking jerk, you know that?
The reason WHY I TOLD YOU THAT is because that YOU TELL ME YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING AND I WOULD FUCKING WAIT FOR IT BUT IT NEVER HAPPENS! Now is it me or is that RUDE and UNFAIR on MY BEHALF?
Oh! And you call this shit spoiled!? FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! IF I DID THIS TO YOUR SORRY ASS, YOU'D BE GIVING ME SHIT RIGHT NOW!

Me: "Why are you so mean to me?"
Him: "However you treat me, I treat you right back"

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM YOU FUCKING DICK!? I DONT TREAT YOU LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING SHITHEAD! I TREATED YOU LIKE A FUCKING GOD YOU FUCKING PRICK! OH MY FUCKING GOSH YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!

Him: "If I'm so mean, why do you call me?"

BECAUSE I STILL FUCKING LIKE YOU YOU STUPID DUMBASS! I SWEAR! YOU WILL NEVER EVER UNDERSTAND HOW I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW, BUT SOMEDAY YOU WILL!!! Want to know why? KARMA COMES AROUND BITCH!!

You laughed at me when I cried.
Told me to grow up when I told you I loved you.
You called me spoiled when I gave you my heart + other things.
You called me a manipulator when I cry my heart to you.
You blamed the relationship on me when YOU broke up with ME and -I- was willing to work for it.
You broke up with me several times, but I always took you back in.
You never defended me when someone talked about me.
You let others provoke me as you stand there watching.


You know what?
Fuck you!
You think you're so goddamn perfect? You're NOT.

I don't know whether I'm more pissed off or hurt.
But I swear.
I fucking hate you.

he drank my caramel frappacino

Give me my stuff back biattcchhh. [01 Aug 2004|09:23am]
[ mood | numb ]

Just kidding.

So yesterday and I called him. *GASP!* And he answered! *SUPER GASP!* And he didn't even hang when he knew it was me! *GASP TO THE MAX x INFINITY!* We talked. I tried to start up a conversation, and it sort of worked, and we were talking, but we were both monotone to each other. Hawhaw. (<-i dont know)

So we decided that he will call me next week when he is free from his work, and he will give me my stuff back..My stuff that he put in a box. (I didn't know all the things I gave him could fit in a small damn box. But I guess he threw them away. Thankx.) And I said "THANK YOU!" Because I thought he threw all of them away. Anyway, I told him I have a bigass bag, and I don't know if he would like it at school or now. I told him that he could just leave my stuff in front of my door if I'm not home or something, and he said "I'll just do it when you're available."

I told him I had band practice from 8-8 and he sounded like he didn't want me to go.

Oh yeah. And this is the lyrics to his voicemail. (BECAUSE I HAVE NO LIFE LIKE THAT!)

Take Your Hand by Usher

Hey, I feel I could just blow up, anytime I sould just lose control
Caught up in your lovin' every time I feel your touch
Second thoughts, small doubts start to beat me up
You're everything I wanted before I knew just what I wanted
And hey, hey, you're killing me on the inside
You're the only one I want I can't deny


Hook
Don't know what to do, what to say.
I'm not sure what to tell you, confused which way
Do I take your hand or let go?
Do I take your hand or let it go?
I can't take this feeling much more,
Do I take your hand or let go?
Don't know what to do, what to say,
I'm not sure what to tell you,
Confused which way do I go?

Verse 2
Hey, I feel I could just blow up, every time I
Feel your love I get get so caught up
It's your kiss it's your touch ti's just everything
But I'm feelin' like I wanna just run away
Can't tell you what I want, but you're everything I want
And hey, hey it's killing me on the inside
'Cause you're all I ever wanted so I can't deny

Hook

Bridge
Somebody tell me, oh, is it that I'm so wrong, I can't say
Or is it my life, so young, careless ways
And now in your eyes so much have you wanna give
But the more I hold you in my arms the pressure
Starts to build, build, build, build, build

Hook

Take your hand or let go, take your hand or let go. (5x)


----
The bolded one is the one on his voicemail.
Now..I don't know. What do you guys think from that?
You think it's just a "normal song" or do you think that it might actually mean something?
:( I am sad. GRR.

he drank my caramel frappacino

Yeah. [30 Jul 2004|08:29pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I miss him a lot.
And I thought I was over him...but I wasn't.
I was looking through xanga sites, because I was bored and I stumbled into this girl's xanga site.
The guy she used to date for 3 years or so commented and said "your best friend".
And then I thought to myself.."I don't want that. It hurts way too much. I don't want it."

And it hurts to know even more that my mom misses him too...

I just don't know. I feel really bummed out now.
I want to move on, but I can't.
And school is coming up, and I have to be strong.
I have to.
For myself.
I have to move on.


I was in the car and thought,"God. Just give me a sign. Any sign!"
And then I turned my head to the front and read,"UNITED IN PRAYER."
I don't want to give myself a hope..because I don't have any hopes.
There is none, and I don't want there to be any whatsoever.


But I don't know what hurts more.

he drank my caramel frappacino

Insomnia + Habit = Xlkajdgj [24 Jul 2004|08:02pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

I can't sleep. And I would be sleeping right now, but unfortunately, I don't know what I shall be doing tomorrow.

Another boring day?
Unfortunately yes.



Otherwise,
No.





HABITS ARE HARD TO BREAK


I shall leave you with that for now.

he drank my caramel frappacino

Exclamapation. [23 Jul 2004|05:01pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]

That's the drunk way to say ..I forgot. Crap. lol.


But I'm not drunk. So it's all cool. I don't drink fyi.


So here's my explanation (<-there you go):

I just don't want to add people who won't even read this, and plus, I use this for my amusement. But if you like it, I'll add you so you can read "secret things" Ooooh.

I don't know what to say.

I feel hyper, but I'm not.
Oh yeah. I think he has a g/f. So Yeah. I'm definitely moving on.


16, single and not looking. HAR.


I love my laptop. Even though its kind of gay sometimes. Poop.

he drank my caramel frappacino

Yeah. [22 Jul 2004|09:52pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Don't bother adding me, I won't add you back.







So haw haw. I'm tired.


This is it. :/ Screw it.

he drank my caramel frappacino

Bedtime Dearies. Bedtime! [07 Jul 2004|12:48am]
[ mood | weird ]

Once upon a time, there was this girl who lived in a castle that resembled the PlayBoy mansion. The king was played by Nicholas Cage, the queen was played by Queen Latifah and grandpa Duke was played by Bill Gates. The king would use his intellectual and meaningful poetic words to woo the girl next door, while queen would bitchslap him for doing such a thing. While all of this happened, grandpa Duke decided that he wanted to computerize the castle, so he decided to create some machine that would make the castle all computer like, and he did. He called it eCastle, which was sold and gave him riches of fake, plastered gold.

The little girl decided to walk through the woods that day, and she bumped into good ol' jolly Michael Jackson. Apparently, she saw something that was not intended to see! (DUN DUN DUUUUN!) Michael Jackson was sleeping with the 8 Dwarfs, but caressing them all in a strange manner.

So..the girl ran away to a cottage that was owned by Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith humped and humped and brokeeeee the house down with her big ass.

The girl was traumatized and ran home. When she got there, she went online and talked to her supposed same age friend, CocaColaBear9. What she didn't know was that her friend was trying to send her subliminal messages to buy and taste the new Pepsi Twist.

And she went to sleep.

The end?

he drank my caramel frappacino

Um. Okay day? [05 Jul 2004|09:33pm]
[ mood | awake ]

He won't call me tonight. I guess I'll be sleeping early or doing funny things online.

I miss my midnight-calling buddy already. This is another reason why I need to have a job.





Damn.
:/

Alright cool cats. Entertain me.

he drank my caramel frappacino

Yes.Yes. [03 Jul 2004|01:50pm]
[ mood | weird ]

I redid the whole layout. It looks weird, but I'm weird, so I like it.

Yeah. I've been feeling kind of weird lately. Like that's not unusual, but I just feel really weird. Too weird.

Yeah. Someone save me.

my caramel frappacino

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